Do New SAT Rules Allow Students to Game the System?

On Friday, the College Board announced changes to its reporting policy for the SAT. Beginning with the class of 2010, students who take the SAT multiple times will be able to decide if they want colleges to see their complete scores from all attempts or merely a subset of their scores.

For example, a student who did well on the math and critical reading sections but poorly on the writing section might take the test again and score higher the writing score but lower on math. It seems that under the new rules, student could choose to report only their improved writing score from a second round of testing.

Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

The L.A. Times considers the consequences:

"In every policy change, there are some winners and losers," said Barmak Nassirian, associate executive director of the American Assn. of Collegiate Registrars and Admissions Officers. "This creates a penalty-free way for applicants who can afford the price of the test numerous times to shop for their best scores. For those students for whom cost is not a barrier, this is a tremendously good thing."

Read more about reactions to the new rule changes in the L.A. Times.

Thoughts? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Word Usage — THAN / THEN

One of the most common mistakes that students make in their SAT essays is confusing the two words than and then.

When spoken, than and then sound alike, or nearly alike.

However, they are two very different words, and you must learn to use both words correctly.

Than is used to make comparisons:

I scored higher on my second SAT test than I did on my first.

I'm smarter than my sister.

Then is used to indicated a sequence in time:

First I brainstormed, then I wrote my essay.

If you ask nicely, then I'll do it.

One easy way to check yourself is to remember that if and then go together.

They form a grammatical pair.

If this, then that.

The if part happens first, then the then part happens.

If you need to specify a sequence of things, then try rewriting the sentence using if and then.

If it makes grammatical sense, then use then.

I went to school, (than/then) I went home.

Now try it with if and then:

If I went to school, then I went home.

This sounds okay.

Even if it's not true literally, it works grammatically.

If you don't mind, then let's try another one:

I'm taller (than/then) my dad.

Now revise it using if and then:

If I'm taller then my dad.

This isn't a complete sentence.

It does not make grammatical sense.

So then it's wrong.

The answer is:

I'm taller than my dad.

You are comparing two things: your height and the height of your dad.

A comparison uses than.

To conclude, then: there are few grammatical errors more common in SAT essays than writing then when you mean than, and vice versa.

But if you remember my advice, then you will always choose the right word.

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Writing Test — Practice Question #11

Identifying Sentence Errors
If the following sentence contains an error, select the one part that must be changed to make the sentence correct; otherwise, select choice E.

Written by Ernest Hemingway, who was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1954, the classic novel For Whom the Bell Tolls telling the story of Robert Jordan's love for the beautiful Maria during the Spanish Civil War. No error

A. Written by
B. who was awarded
C. telling
D. during
E. No error

ANSWER: C

(Highlight to reveal the correct answer.)

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Word Usage — A / AN

The indefinite articles a and an serve a similar function, but many students wonder: when should you use a and when should you use an?

One common error I see in SAT essays is the consistent use of a before a word that begins with consonant and an before a word that begins with a vowel.

This simple notion will get you into a lot of trouble.

Instead, the rule is:

Use a before a consonant sound and an before a vowel sound.

It is the sound that dictates the use of a or an, not the spelling.

For example, the word hour is spelled with an initial consonant, h. But the h is silent. We don't hear the consonant.

Therefore, we write:

an hour

On the other hand, the word hand is pronounced with an audible h sound.

Therefore, we write:

a hand

More examples:

a nanny
an NBA team

a six-pack
an SAT test

a history teacher
an honor student

a marshmallow
an M&M

If you find these examples confusing, read them aloud and pay close attention to how the words sound.

The m in marshmallow sounds like "MMM."

But the m in M&M sounds like "EM."

As indefinite articles, both a and an serve the same grammatical function, but an has an additional job to do.

What could that be?

The letter n in the word an is there to separate two vowel sounds so that they don't run together. It keeps two words distinct in the mind of the listener — like the space between words on a written page.

But why do we need to insert the consonant sound, n, for written words, when we can clearly see the space between them? Why not simply write a hour, a apple, a extra letter we don't need?

Because we do need that extra letter.

When we read, we almost always subvocalize. We hear the words in our heads as if they were spoken aloud.

And the phrase a opening doesn't sound any better in our minds than it does in our mouths.

Okay, that's enough for now. Thank you for letting me clear that up.

It's been an honor and a privilege.

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Essay — Change Weak Nouns to Strong Verbs

SAT essays often suffer from a condition known as nominalized verbs.

What does this mean?

It means the writer has turned a strong verb into a weak noun.

Instead of:

Hitler invaded Poland.

A student scribbles:

Hitler made an invasion of Poland.

The strong verb invaded has been nominalized into the weak noun invasion.

Why is invasion weak?

Because it needs more words to get its point across. It needs a verb (made) and an article (an).

Nominalization (a nominalized form of nominalize) promotes wordiness and obscures clarity.

How do you fix this?

Change the weak noun into a strong verb:

have a reaction —> react

make a movement —> move

find a solution —> solve

reach a decision —> decide

And so on.

If you change your weak nouns into strong verbs, your essay will immediately show an improvement.

I mean, improve.

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

Identifying Sentence Errors — Questions 1-10

Here are the first ten SAT practice questions for identifying sentence errors:

Practice Question #1
Practice Question #2
Practice Question #3
Practice Question #4
Practice Question #5
Practice Question #6
Practice Question #7
Practice Question #8
Practice Question #9
Practice Question #10

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Writing Test — Practice Question #10

Identifying Sentence Errors
If the following sentence contains an error, select the one part that must be changed to make the sentence correct; otherwise, select choice E.

The environmental treaty that has just been agreed with by the member nations should serve as a framework for future progress on these and many other issues. No error

A. has just been
B. agreed with
C. on these
D. many other
E. No error

ANSWER: B

(Highlight to reveal the correct answer.)

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

Introduction to Adverbs

Today is SAT test day.

If you showed up and did your best, congratulations!

For those of you taking (or retaking) the SAT test in the fall, it's absolutely, positively time to start your summer study program.

Every day counts.

I wanted to talk briefly about adverbs, but rather than hastily launch into an overly formal discussion, I thought I'd quickly share this indispensably fun little grammar video from the amazingly talented folks at School House Rock.

Enjoy!

Grammar Rock: "Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here"



For more in this series, see:

Introduction to Verbs
Introduction to Nouns
Introduction to Conjunctions

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Word Usage — AFFECT / EFFECT

One of the most common grammatical questions I hear from my SAT students is:

"When should I use affect and when should I use effect?"

The short answer is this:

In most cases, affect is used as a verb and effect is used as a noun.

However, there are exceptions.

The long answer requires us to distinguish between five different words:

1. Affect (pronounced with the stress on the second syllable: a-FECT) is a verb meaning "to change" or "to shape":

The weather affected her mood.

Commodity speculation affects the price of gas.

He believed that taking more practice tests would positively affect his SAT score.

2. Affect (a-FECT) is also a verb that means "to make a display":

She affected a French accent.

He affects an air of sophistication.

This sense of the word is often transformed into a noun:

His pleasant smile was pure affectation.

3. Affect (pronounce with the stress on the first syllable: AFF-ect) is a noun used by psychologists and psychiatrists to mean "emotion" or "mood":

The psychologist closely studied the patient's affect before making a diagnosis.

The candidate may have won last night's debate on the merits, but he lost because his bland affect could not compete with his opponent's charisma.

The same sense is sometimes used as an adjective:

Her keen interest in the biological basis for human emotions led her to specialize in affective neuroscience.

This sense of the word affect is not common outside the field of psychology.

4. Effect (e-FECT) is a noun meaning "result" or "consequence":

The effect of the speed limit law was a significant decrease in highway deaths.

The murder case seemed complicated, but the detective knew it was a simple matter of cause and effect.

5. Effect (e-FECT) is a verb meaning "to bring into existence":

After petitioning the school board, his parents were able to effect a change in policy.

The prisoner effected his escape by digging a tunnel with a tea spoon.

Just remember that affect is a verb and effect is a noun — with some exceptions.

Thoughts? Questions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Free Essay Critique #5 (Part Two)

This is a continuation of Part One of Quicksandslowly's free SAT essay critique.

Essay Rewrite

And now a revision, correcting grammatical errors:

The world is full of obstacles. In order to overcome these adversities and make progress, we must make sacrifices. The process is tedious, even gloomy, but progress would be impossible without it. This notion is seen throughout literature and history.

One instance of the human necessity to sacrifice things, even people, in order to make progress can be seen in John Steinbeck's novel, "The Grapes of Wrath." Driven off their land and left without jobs, the Joad family sells their valuable possessions and leaves their farm for California to find jobs. Along the way, both Grandma and Grandpa Joad pass away; however, because the competition to find jobs in California is tough, the Joad family has to leave them without a proper funeral ceremony and move on. This sacrifice enabled the living to progress while the dead rest in peace.

Another instance of no progress without sacrifice is the historic event of the Battle of Normandy during World War 2. On D-Day, thousands of brave U.S. soldiers marched to their deaths at Normandy. Despite seeing fellow comrades die, other soldiers kept charging and fighting to their deaths. Their valor and sacrifice resulted in the defeat of the maniac Hitler and the Axis Powers.

A third example, from Biblical times, is Jesus Christ, the paragon of sacrifice for progress. In order to cleanse humanity of its sins, Jesus Christ allowed himself to be crucified. Jesus Christ sacrificed himself so that humanity could prosper.

Progress comes at a price, and the most painful of all is sacrifice. As these examples from literature, history, and religion show, without sacrifice there is no progress. Thus, without sacrifice the world would be stagnant.

Structural Feedback

Here is the central idea of each paragraph:

1. Progress requires sacrifice.
2. The Joad family sacrificed for each other.
3. At Normandy, U.S. soldiers sacrificed for their comrades.
4. Jesus sacrificed himself to wash away our sins.
5. Without sacrifice there is no progress.

Structurally, this essay is solid.

Your choice of examples is very good: one from literature (Grapes of Wrath), one from history (WWII), and one that combines literature, history, and religion (Jesus).

However, your third example is much shorter than the others, and is also the least developed. Either you ran out of time or couldn't think of more to say. This is one of the main weaknesses of your SAT essay.

Your essay is too short to achieve the highest score. It is 286 words. To maximize your score, you should shoot for 400 words.

But how?

A simple way to increase the length of your essay is to add one more sentence to each paragraph.

For example, if you have five paragraphs, and add one sentence to each, and each new sentence is 20 words long, this will add 100 words to your essay.

The key is to explore each example fully.

Look at your fourth paragraph. Could you have added more details? Could you have said more about Jesus's sacrifice? Of course you could. Entire books are written on the subject. You need to dig a little deeper.

Your Score: 5

The SAT essay is scored 1-6.

This, from the official rubric, best categorizes your essay:

SCORE OF 5

An essay in this category demonstrates reasonably consistent mastery, although it will have occasional errors or lapses in quality. A typical essay

* effectively develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates strong critical thinking, generally using appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position
* is well organized and focused, demonstrating coherence and progression of ideas
* exhibits facility in the use of language, using appropriate vocabulary
* demonstrates variety in sentence structure
* is generally free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics

Quicksandslowly, I want to thank you again for submitting your SAT essay. It was a pleasure to read. You are close to achieving a top score. On the real test, be sure to fully explore your thesis and examples.

Good luck on the SAT!

Thoughts? Suggestions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Free Essay Critique #5 (Part One)

Quicksandslowly sent me his submission for a free SAT practice essay critique.

My method:

1. Post the essay as it was originally sent to me.
2. Give my comments line-by-line, with a focus on grammar.
3. Post my re-write, fixing grammatical errors only.
4. Provide general feedback, with a focus on structure.
5. Score the original essay from 1-6, using the SAT rubric.

Original Essay

The prompt for this essay is: "No progress is possible without sacrifice."

The world is spate with obstacles. In order to overcome these adversities and make progress, we must sacrifice some things. The process is tedious, histronic, and even gloomy but progress wouldn't be possible without it. This notion is seen throughout literature and history.

One instance of the human necessity to sacrifice things, even people, in order to achieve fluidity can be seen in John Steinbecks novel, "The Grapes of Wrath." Driven off their land and left without jobs, the Joad family sell their valuable possessions and leave their farm for California to find jobs. Along the way, both Grandma and Grandpa Joad pass away; however, because the competition to find jobs in California is tough, the Joad family has to leave them without a proper funeral ceremony and move on. This sacrifice enabled the living to progress while the dead rests in peace.

Another instance of no progress without sacrifice is epitomized in the historic event of the Battle of Normandy during World War 2. On D-Day, thousands of brave U.S. soldiers marched to their deaths at Normandy. Despite seeing fellow comrades die, other soldiers kept charging and fighting to their deaths. Their sacrifice and valor resulted in the defeat of the maniac Hilter and the Axis Powers.

Shifting in time in history to biblical times, Jesus Christ is the paragon of sacrifice for progress. In order to cleanse the sins of humanity, Jesus Christ allowed himself to be crucified. Jesus Christ sacrificied himself so that humanity may prosper.

Progress comes at a price and the most painful of all is sacrifice. As the examples of literature, history, and religion have shown, without sacrifice their is no progress. Thus, without sacrifice the world would be stagnant.

Line-by-Line Comments

Now for a detailed analysis....

The world is spate with obstacles.

The word spate is not used correctly. Spate is noun meaning "flood" or "outpouring." You are using it as an adjective.

Also, the phrase spate with is not a correct formulation. The idiom is a spate of, as in "She smiled, through a spate of tears."

A better word for this sentence is replete: "The world is replete with obstacles."

Or rife: "The world is rife with obstacles."

Or full: "The world is full of obstacles."

On the SAT essay, it's best to stick with words you know, especially in the first sentence. First impressions count. SAT graders scan and score quickly, but they are certain to pay special attention to your first sentence. You need to get this one right.

A rich vocabulary can improve your score, but misusing words could lower it.

In order to overcome these adversities and make progress, we must sacrifice some things.

This is good.

You could improve this sentence by changing sacrifice some things to make sacrifices.

It is best to end your sentences on your strongest word, the word that makes your point. Here, that word is sacrifice. The sentence should land on this word, this idea, rather than on the much more nebulous word things.

The process is tedious, histronic, and even gloomy but progress wouldn't be possible without it.

What do you mean by histronic? That's not a word.

Did you mean historic? Or histrionic? Neither one works here.

My suggestion is simply to cut it: "The process is tedious, even gloomy, but..."

Put a comma after gloomy.

This notion is seen throughout literature and history.

Good.

One instance of the human necessity to sacrifice things, even people, in order to achieve fluidity can be seen in John Steinbecks novel, "The Grapes of Wrath."

I'm not sure what you mean by achieve fluidity. Make progress? Fluidity sounds like a counterpoint to the idea of stagnation, which you mention later, but at this point you haven't yet raised the issue of stagnation. So the use of fluidity here seems like a non sequitur.

Add an apostrophe: John Steinbeck's.

Driven off their land and left without jobs, the Joad family sell their valuable possessions and leave their farm for California to find jobs.

Change sell to sells. Families sell, but a family sells.

Change leave to leaves. Families leave, but a family leaves.

Always make sure your subjects and verbs agree in number.

Along the way, both Grandma and Grandpa Joad pass away; however, because the competition to find jobs in California is tough, the Joad family has to leave them without a proper funeral ceremony and move on.

Good use of the semicolon.

This is a complex sentence, but you handled it well under time pressure.

Good job.

This sacrifice enabled the living to progress while the dead rests in peace.

Change rests to rest. A dead person rests, but the dead rest.

Another instance of no progress without sacrifice is epitomized in the historic event of the Battle of Normandy during World War 2.

Delete epitomized in: "Another instance…is the historic event.…"

On D-Day, thousands of brave U.S. soldiers marched to their deaths at Normandy.

Good.

Despite seeing fellow comrades die, other soldiers kept charging and fighting to their deaths.

Good.

Their sacrifice and valor resulted in the defeat of the maniac Hilter and the Axis Powers.

Change sacrifice and valor to valor and sacrifice.

Why? Because you should put first things first. Their sacrifice is the ultimate sacrifice (death). It came after their valor, which they demonstrated when alive.

So put valor first, and sacrifice second.

Also, this could be interpreted as an example of cause and effect.

The cause? Valor.

The effect? Sacrifice.

For clarity, you should state the cause before the effect.

Suggestion: change maniac to maniacal. You need an adjective. Maniac can function as an adjective, too, but I think maniacal sounds better.

Or you could say, "...that maniac, Hitler, and the Axis Powers."

Typo: change Hilter to Hitler.

Shifting in time in history to biblical times, Jesus Christ is the paragon of sacrifice for progress.

Delete in time in history and capitalize biblical: "Shifting to Biblical times…"

This is a dangling participle. Is it Jesus Christ who is doing the shifting? No.

One possible way to fix this: "Another example, from Biblical times, is Jesus Christ, the paragon of sacrifice for progress."

In order to cleanse the sins of humanity, Jesus Christ allowed himself to be crucified.

Do you cleanse the sins of humanity, or do you cleanse humanity of its sins?

Humanity gets cleansed. Sins get washed away.

Jesus Christ sacrificied himself so that humanity may prosper.

Typo: change sacrificied to sacrificed.

Change may to could. It was not a question of permission, but possibility.

Progress comes at a price and the most painful of all is sacrifice.

Put a comma after price.

You may want clarify sacrifice in this sentence, since there are some minor sacrifices that would not be "the most painful of all."

As the examples of literature, history, and religion have shown, without sacrifice their is no progress.

Change the examples of to these examples from.

Change have shown to show.

Change their to there.

Thus, without sacrifice the world would be stagnant.

Good. Nice ending.

In Part Two of this free essay critique, I'll offer a rewrite, structural feedback, and a score from 1 to 6.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Free Essay Critique #4 (Part Two)

This is a continuation of Alana's free SAT essay critique.

Essay Rewrite

I've fixed the grammatical errors previously noted in Part One of Alana's SAT essay critique. I've also deleted the plagiarized passage from "The Boy Who Cried Wolf." However, I've kept the underline vocabulary words, since these appear to have been part of a class assignment.

“Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are circumstances in which it is better to tell a lie?”

The statement can go both ways. Telling the truth will help you stay out of trouble. If you tell a lie, it will have an effect. Not only that, but you have to remember the lie. Telling the truth can sometimes get you in trouble, but telling a lie will get you in more trouble.

One day when I was home with my family, my cousin and I got into a argument. After arguing, we got into an altercation. Our argument started when I “snitched" (I didn't; I told a white lie) about something that never happened. Since I was the youngest of the four grandkids that stayed in the house, it was easy for my argument to sound creditable. I gave plausible answers to each question so that she couldn't tell if I was lying. After a while I began to feel reprehensible about what I had done. So I told my cousin what I had done, and you know the rest.

My story is similar to “The Boy who cried Wolf.” The moral to this story is to never tell a lie, because when you are really in trouble or need help, no one will be there. The shepherd boy from the story and I are alike in so many ways. We enjoy causing a lot of envenom to the people around us. When people get caught in a lie, it brings a lot of embarrassment. Not only that, but you will never be trusted by anyone because of the things you did.

Lying does you no good because in the end, it always comes back to you. As I stated in the first paragraph, your lie will have an effect. You will also have to remember the lie. Take the risk, even though you might get in trouble for it. Also, you never want to get in more trouble for telling a lie.

Structural Feedback

Here is the central idea of each paragraph:

1. Telling the truth will help you stay out of trouble.
2. I once told a lie and got in trouble.
3. The boy who cried wolf told a lie and no one trusted him.
4. Lying does you no good, because it will come back to haunt you.

Without the long quotation from The Boy Who Cried Wolf, this essay is short. You need another example to support your premise.

The premise is pretty solid.

The personal example is okay, but incomplete. You don't tell us what the lie was, and you don't say if you were punished or forgiven. What was the outcome? Be specific. Give us details.

Your Score: 2

I am giving you a score of 2 based on the official SAT rubric.

However, you copied someone else's writing without properly citing your source. This is plagiarism. In my class, anyone caught plagiarizing gets an F for that assignment, even if the essay is otherwise brilliant.

The SAT essay is scored from 1-6. Setting aside the plagiarism issue, this is the category your essay best fits into:

SCORE OF 2

An essay in this category demonstrates little mastery, and is flawed by ONE OR MORE of the following weaknesses:

• develops a point of view on the issue that is vague or seriously limited, and demonstrates weak critical thinking, providing inappropriate or insufficient examples, reasons, or other evidence to support its position
• is poorly organized and/or focused, or demonstrates serious problems with coherence or progression of ideas
• displays very little facility in the use of language, using very limited vocabulary or incorrect word choice
• demonstrates frequent problems in sentence structure
• contains errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics so serious that meaning is somewhat obscured

The score I'm giving you is not meant to predict what you'll get on the SAT. Instead, it's a snapshot of where I think your writing skills are now.

Alana, thank you for submitting your essay.

The best way to improve is to keep writing.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation

SAT Prep — Free Essay Critique #4 (Part One)

Our fourth SAT essay comes from Alana. She submitted a practice essay in response to my offer of 50 free SAT essay critiques.

My method is this:

1. Post the essay as it was originally sent to me.
2. Give my comments line-by-line, with a focus on grammar.
3. Post my re-write, fixing grammatical errors only.
4. Provide general feedback, with a focus on structure.
5. Score the original essay from 1-6, using the SAT rubric.

Original Essay

So here is Alana's essay:

“Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are circumstances in which it is better to tell a lie ”

The statement can go both ways. Telling the truth will help you stay out of trouble. If you tell a lie you turn your cause into an effect. Not only that you have to remember the lie you told before that. However telling the truth can sometimes get you in trouble, but telling a lie will get you in more trouble.

One day when ii was home with my family, my cousin & I got into a argument. After arguing we ago in an altercation. Our entire argument started when I “snitched [I didn’t I told a white lie]” about something that never happened. Since I was the youngest of the four grandkids that stayed in the house it was easy for my to be creditable. I gave plausible answers to each question so that she couldn’t tell if I was lying. After a while I began to feel reprehensible about what I had done. So I told my cousin what I had done and you know the rest.

My story is similar to “The Boy who cried Wolf.” So here’ s the story: There was once a shepherd-boy who kept his flock at a little distance from the village. Once he thought he would play a trick on the villagers and have some fun at their expense. So he ran toward the village crying out, with all his might,--"Wolf! Wolf! Come and help! The wolves are at my lambs!" The kind villagers left their work and ran to the field to help him. But when they got there the boy laughed at them for their pains; there was no wolf there. Still another day the boy tried the same trick, and the villagers came running to help and got laughed at again. Then one day a wolf did break into the fold and began killing the lambs. In great fright, the boy ran for help. "Wolf! Wolf!" he screamed. "There is a wolf in the flock! Help!" The villagers heard him, but they thought it was another mean trick; no one paid the least attention, or went near him. And the shepherd-boy lost all his sheep. That is the kind of thing that happens to people who lie: even when they tell the truth no one believes them.

However the moral to this story is to never tell a lie because when you are really in trouble or need help no one will be there. The shepherd boy from the story and I alike in so many ways. We enjoy causing a lot of envenom to the people around us. When people get caught in a lie there is a whole a lot of abasement brought with it. Not alone that you will never trusted by anyone because of your previous things you did.

Lying does do you no good because e in the end it always comes back to you. Like stated in the first paragraph you cause will turn into an effect. You will also have to remember the lie you told before that. Take the risk even thought you might get in trouble for it. Also you never want to get in more trouble for telling a lie.

Line-by-Line Comments

Now let's break it down sentence by sentence:

“Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are circumstances in which it is better to tell a lie ”

This is the prompt. It needs a question mark.

The statement can go both ways.

Yes, but you should choose one side, and tell us your position in the first sentence.

Telling the truth will help you stay out of trouble.

Good.

If you tell a lie you turn your cause into an effect.

This doesn't make sense.

A cause creates an effect. A cause is one thing; the effect is another.

Yes, a cause can also be an effect — of another cause.

Can a cause be the effect of itself?

Perhaps, but that kind of philosophy is beyond the scope of this essay.

Not only that you have to remember the lie you told before that.

Change that to that, but.

Omit needless words: delete you told before that.

However telling the truth can sometimes get you in trouble, but telling a lie will get you in more trouble.

Put a comma after However.

Using both However and but in the same sentence is overloading. I suggest deleting However.

One day when ii was home with my family, my cousin & I got into a argument.

Change ii to I.

Do not use ampersands (&) in your essay, unless you are quoting something that uses an ampersand. Therefore, change & to and.

After arguing we ago in an altercation.

Put a comma after arguing.

Change ago in into got into.

Our entire argument started when I “snitched [I didn’t I told a white lie]” about something that never happened.

Delete entire.

Change “snitched [I didn’t I told a white lie]” to “snitched" (I didn’t; I told a white lie).

Since I was the youngest of the four grandkids that stayed in the house it was easy for my to be creditable.

Put a comma after house.

There's a word missing after my. Did you mean my argument?

I gave plausible answers to each question so that she couldn’t tell if I was lying.

Who is she? Your cousin? Or the person you snitched to?

After a while I began to feel reprehensible about what I had done.

Okay.

So I told my cousin what I had done and you know the rest.

Put a comma after done.

You claim we know the rest, but you haven't told us the rest. Finish the story.

My story is similar to “The Boy who cried Wolf.”

Okay.

So here’ s the story: There was once a shepherd-boy who kept his flock at a little distance from the village. Once he thought he would play a trick on the villagers and have some fun at their expense. So he ran toward the village crying out, with all his might,--"Wolf! Wolf! Come and help! The wolves are at my lambs!" The kind villagers left their work and ran to the field to help him. But when they got there the boy laughed at them for their pains; there was no wolf there. Still another day the boy tried the same trick, and the villagers came running to help and got laughed at again. Then one day a wolf did break into the fold and began killing the lambs. In great fright, the boy ran for help. "Wolf! Wolf!" he screamed. "There is a wolf in the flock! Help!" The villagers heard him, but they thought it was another mean trick; no one paid the least attention, or went near him. And the shepherd-boy lost all his sheep. That is the kind of thing that happens to people who lie: even when they tell the truth no one believes them.

If you're going to quote someone else's story, you must cite your source.

If you don't, it's plagiarism.

Here, you are directly quoting Sara Cone Bryant's Stories to Tell Children: Fifty-Four Stories with Some Suggestions for Telling (1873).

Rather than quote a long passage from someone else's writing (which is something you won't be able to do on the SAT, because you won't have access to the Internet), you can briefly summarize the story.

However the moral to this story is to never tell a lie because when you are really in trouble or need help no one will be there.

Put a comma after However.

However, I don't think you need However, because you're not contradicting the previous statement.

Put a comma after lie.

Put a comma after help.

The shepherd boy from the story and I alike in so many ways.

Missing word: change I alike to I are alike.

We enjoy causing a lot of envenom to the people around us.

The word envenom is not used correctly here. You're using a verb as a noun. Venom is the noun. Envenom means to make poisonous.

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say.

When people get caught in a lie there is a whole a lot of abasement brought with it.

Put a comma after lie.

Delete a whole.

This is an awkward phrasing for abasement. Perhaps embarrassment instead?

Instead of there is...brought with it, say it brings: "it brings a lot of embarrassment."

Not alone that you will never trusted by anyone because of your previous things you did.

Change Not alone that to Not only that, but.

Change trusted to be trusted.

Change your previous to the previous.

Or delete previous, because the past tense of the verb implies that it happened previously: because of the things you did.

Lying does do you no good because e in the end it always comes back to you.

Delete do.

Delete the stray e.

Put a comma after end.

Like stated in the first paragraph you cause will turn into an effect.

Change Like stated to As I stated.

Put a comma after paragraph.

Change you to your.

And as I stated in my earlier comment, this makes no sense to me.

You will also have to remember the lie you told before that.

You said this before.

Take the risk even thought you might get in trouble for it.

Change thought to though.

What risk should you take? Lying? I think you're arguing for telling the truth, but the logic of the paragraphs implies the opposite.

Also you never want to get in more trouble for telling a lie.

Put a comma after Also.

The word also makes your final sentence sound like an afterthought. Your concluding sentence needs to be stronger.

That completes the line-by-line analysis. In Part Two of this free critique, I'll post a rewrite, offer a structural feedback, and grade the original essay with a score of 1-6.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Please comment below.

How to Succeed with SAT Test Preparation