SAT Prep — Free Essay Critique #3 (Part One)

In response to my offer of 50 free SAT essay critiques, Jasmine sent me her essay.

My method is this:

1. Post the essay as it was originally sent to me.
2. Give my comments line-by-line, with a focus on grammar.
3. Show a rewrite, with grammatical errors fixed.
4. Provide general feedback, with a focus on structure.
5. Score the original essay from 1-6, using the SAT rubric.

Original Essay

So here is Jasmine's essay:

Quote:
“ A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation”.
C.E. Ayers

Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are there circumstances in which it is better to lie. My reason for writing this is to open your mind. In some cases it is credible for telling the truth. Telling the truth can be a good thing in some cases, unless you have to lie about something to get you out of trouble. Telling the truth can keep you from out of trouble.

For example the quote above by C.E. Ayers meaning that if you take time to tell the truth, it saves the world from plausible, and having envenom. When telling the truth it can cause good things and also bad things. I think that it depends on the situation of the matter or problem. Telling the truth could also cause an effect. However telling a lie could get u in trouble and make you feel reprehensible.

Another example could be like somebody that committed a crime. They could go turn themselves in and save the world from trouble. So I do think that it is always an essential to tell the truth. In some cases it could cause circumstances. That’s why we need to heed to do better things.

I think that it is Tenuous to lie than tell the truth. I say this because you have some people who just lie to get them out of trouble. Although just because they lie too much, people will stop having faith in them when they are telling the truth. People lose the objective when they are lying. They obtain to do whatever they want in their life, with out thinking of the consequences.

My reasons and examples could lead to good things and bad. Depending on how you would take them. The quote given above could be very plausible in someone life. Telling the truth could be a good cause, rather then lying. This is why I think telling the truth is always an essential because with out that, how would our life manage by just lying all the time

Line-by-Line Comments

Now let's break it down sentence by sentence:

Quote:
“ A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation”.
C.E. Ayers

Delete the space after the opening quotation marks.

Put the period inside the closing quotation marks.

Is it always essential to tell the truth, or are there circumstances in which it is better to lie.

This is a question. Replace the period with a question mark.

My reason for writing this is to open your mind.

Okay.

But on the SAT, you don't need to state your reasons for writing the essay.

In some cases it is credible for telling the truth.

I don't know what you mean. This sentence is unclear.

It seems that credible is one of your vocabulary words, but you are not using the word correctly.

On the SAT, it is always better to use words you understand than to use big words you don't understand.

However, as a vocabulary exercise, it's a great idea to try using new words — just be sure you look them up in a dictionary and study examples of how the words are used by good writers.

If you'd like to see how today's writers are using a word, go to Google News, search for a word, and see how newspaper and magazine writers are using the word in context.

Telling the truth can be a good thing in some cases, unless you have to lie about something to get you out of trouble.

Delete in some cases, because you used this phrase in the previous sentence. (Or delete it from the other sentence.)

Delete the second instance of you: from to get you out of trouble to to get out of trouble.

Or change the second you to yourself.

Telling the truth can keep you from out of trouble.

Delete out of.

(Or you could delete from, but you already used out of in the previous sentence, so don't use it again here.)

For example the quote above by C.E. Ayers meaning that if you take time to tell the truth, it saves the world from plausible, and having envenom.

Insert a comma after For example.

Change meaning to means.

More vocabulary words: plausible and envenom. Both are used incorrectly. Please look them up and study examples of how the words are used by good writers.

When telling the truth it can cause good things and also bad things.

Delete When.

Delete it.

I think that it depends on the situation of the matter or problem.

Delete of the matter or problem.

Telling the truth could also cause an effect.

Not bad, but cause an effect is redundant.

An effect is by definition something that is caused.

Better, and more idiomatic, is have an effect.

However telling a lie could get u in trouble and make you feel reprehensible.

Put a comma after However.

Change u to you.

Never use text message abbreviations (u, btw, lol) in a formal essay, unless you're directly quoting something written in that style.

Another example could be like somebody that committed a crime.

Change could be like to is.

Change that to who.

They could go turn themselves in and save the world from trouble.

Delete go.

So I do think that it is always an essential to tell the truth.

Delete an.

In some cases it could cause circumstances.

What circumstances? Can you be more specific?

That’s why we need to heed to do better things.

Another vocabulary word. Generally, heed is used with a reference, as in, "Heed my words." In your sentence, what are we supposed to heed?

Another idiom is take heed, meaning "pay attention."

You could change heed to take heed.

I think that it is Tenuous to lie than tell the truth.

Another vocabulary word, improperly used. Look it up. Go online to find examples from good writers.

No need to capitalize Tenuous.

Here, you're using tenuous to mean "worse." But tenuous means "thin, feeble, or flimsy."

I say this because you have some people who just lie to get them out of trouble.

Simplify by deleting you have and who.

Delete them, or change it to themselves.

Although just because they lie too much, people will stop having faith in them when they are telling the truth.

Delete Although just.

Change will stop having faith in to won't believe.

The sentence has a dangling participle: the first part doesn't modify people. You are speaking of two groups of people, those who lie too much and those who will stop believing them.

To fix this, specify both groups: "Because some people lie too much, others won't believe them when they are telling the truth."

To make the sentence stronger, change are telling to tell.

People lose the objective when they are lying.

Another vocabulary word, improperly used.

I'm not sure what you mean. Do you mean they lose their objectivity?

They obtain to do whatever they want in their life, with out thinking of the consequences.

Delete obtain to, or change obtain to decide.

Change with out to without (one word).

My reasons and examples could lead to good things and bad.

Good.

Depending on how you would take them.

This is a sentence fragment. It should be part of the previous sentence.

Sentence fragments should be avoided in formal writing, such as the SAT essay.

Delete would.

The quote given above could be very plausible in someone life.

Another vocabulary word, improperly used.

Perhaps the quote is meaningful in someone's life?

Change someone to someone's.

Telling the truth could be a good cause, rather then lying.

Change then to than. Because this is a comparison (truth-telling vs. lying), use than.

I'm not sure what you mean by "a good cause."

Try this: "Telling the truth is better than lying."

This is why I think telling the truth is always an essential because with out that, how would our life manage by just lying all the time

Delete an.

Put a comma after essential.

Change with out to without (one word).

Change our life to our lives.

Do our lives manage, or do we manage our lives?

Better is: "…how would we manage our lives…"

The sentence ends with a question, so end it with a question mark.

Okay, that's it for the line-by-line analysis. In Part Two of Jasmine's free SAT essay critique, we'll look at a rewrite, structural feedback, and a score from 1-6.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Please comment below.

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